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In the Forum: Audio News
In the Thread: Magico: biological minded speakers
Post Subject: Magico: biological minded speakersPosted by Romy the Cat on: 9/29/2006
Let me to explain how it started. It is well know that being a Dentist is in a blood of any Jewish boy and Alon Wolf was no exception. When he was little, the local kids teased that he might grow up without a dentist license and the little Alon was running away crying, begging in his tears God to send him something “dentistian”.
When the littlie Alon group up, he did not act in the medical fields but was working out of large White Vans, selling loudspeakers to the mid-age shopping malls visitors. Still, the unfulfilled dream of dentistry drilled Alon perception and Alon was desperately looking to do something about it. Another day he was selling from his White Vans a speaker with asphalt-made drivers to a nice elderly woman who had a high pitch voice. When she picked the speaker up the asphalt-made drivers fallen out from the speakers and right on the tow of the old woman. The woman was in pain and was screaming like a wounded in ass hippopotamus only very high. She was screaming so loud and so high that windows in a nearby department store were crashed and pigeons were falling dead from sky, no just dead but already baked. Even the Alon himself was hurt. The loud high-pitch scream of that women boiled coffee in the Alon’s thermos, bent muffler in the Alon White Van and a shut out a gold filings from the Alon mouth…
Everyone went crazy then but the smart boy Alon took this event as a prodigious sign. He said if a loud high frequency pitch is capable to remove filings form my teeth then why should be a dentist to fulfill the obligation to my heritage? I might very much be a speaker builder and making some kind of loudspeakers that would inflict a long term dental consequences…
So, Alon Wolf filed in a new article of incorporation and become Doctor Wolf. Now, many years after the remarkable White Vans event the “Doctor Wolf of Magico, Incorporated” produce a wide range speaker of narrow application. Out reporter Anderson Cupper visited the Doctor Wolf’s office and asked him about the uniqueness of his products:
“Year after year the medical physicians treat us with the same bogus advice to brash our teeth.” - Doctor Wolf was explaining – but since my revolutionary devise entered market there is no needs to torture out gums anymore. I call my, the White-Van-incident-inspired invention – Magico, because it is a real magic. Instead of sticking on out mouths the ugly brushes with that bizarre tasting toothpaste now my patients can just fill their mouth with any juice with heavy pulp. Then they need to play sounds via my Magico loudspeakers. The unique sound that my loudspeakers produce will induce the micro vibration of the juice’s pulp that provides very gentile but very efficient abrasive tension on the patient’s teeth. You might adjust the volume of my loudspeakers, affectively regulating the depth of the teeth whitening. In particular my methodology works well at the very high volumes. I have some patients who run my loudspeakers at 145dB and they not only had their teeth cleaned but also my speakers removed stones from their kidneys. My further clinical studiers suggest that when my loudspeakers reach 165dB they might be also affective to treat brain tumors, abort pregnancies and cure conscious suffering.”
“Oh, Doctor Wolf, this is a pure radical work in audio therapy. What underling principle your invention uses?”
“My invention is based on careful observation of nature of sound. I call the underling principle of my Magico system as: “Sonic Allergy Utilization”. Our human hearing is developed over millions years and we have within us a build up sense of harmonic appropriateness. When my loudspeakers deliver their own Special Sound to the patient’s ears then a patient hears severally twisted high frequency fundamentals with harmonic structure that is revolting to any mammals and practically it is emetic for humans. As the reaction to Magico Sound a human body dives in deep micro-seizure of very high intensity that is not observable externally but strong enough to make for instance the juice’s dispersed pulp to micro vibrate.”
“This is truly remarkable, Alon, and how did not discover which frequencies and at which volumes should be sent to a human body in order to accomplish the desirable effect?”
“During the research phase I use a lot of lob animals, testing how they would react to my Magico Sound. I trued different species: mice, ruts, dogs, snakes, hyena but the biggest success I got when I received a fresh party of mature male vultures, adult male audio reviewers and female adolescent coyotes. Those species turned out to be incredibly useful for my experiments. Some of them become almost members of my little lab family. I remember then was one hyena that we affectionably called Johnny Wowlin because it produce a very distinctive “Wow” noise as it’s reaction to anything. Anyhow, using those excremental animals I was able to learn how disgusting my speakers should be in order a patient were affected in desirable for me direction.
“Doctor Wolf, and the last question: your plans. What would be the next step for your great enterprise?”
“Currently my FDA and FCC and FRC approval are pending and after it will be through I see large spectra of application for my methodology. Nowdays it is only dentistry but in future it might be anything. It might be used for law enforcement to broadcast sound for low disobedient crowd in order the crowd instantaneously forgot why they all come together. Or it might be used across the nation for job interviews as test the candidate reaction to heavy stress condition. The application is really endless.”
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